Hello my Glories! Last month, we discussed how it feels to be in an “in-between space” and it is okay to not have life completely figured out. I hope that last month’s blog post brought you peace of mind and allowed you to see the good in your current situation(s). I pray that you find serenity at whatever stage of life you are in and be present for the blessings that have already been given to you. For this month’s post, I wanted to talk about something that was near to my heart (literally): love! Ah yes, the four-letter word that many people strive for, run away from, or just flat-out confused about. I am going to talk about it all while giving my own experience and scripture to support it. So, get settled in and let’s talk about love!
For a long time, I thought that love was what I saw in movies. The scene where the girl-next-door ran into the boy-next-door, their eyes meet, and that sparked a beautiful romance. After consuming so many “false ideas” of what love was, it was very easy for me to think that my “Prince Charming” was going magically pop-up one day and then all would be perfect. Now that I have gotten older, I’ve come to realize that that’s not the case. For starters, within my first dating relationship, I was extremely lonely. Being that I’m the baby of the family and there’s a large age gap between my brother and me, I spent a lot of time alone as a child. As a result, I deeply desired to have friends and I didn’t like to be alone. As time went on, I never addressed my loneliness and, unbeknownst to me at the time, it began to play out in my relationships. So much so, that when my ex and I broke up, I didn’t know who I was. I thought that love required you to wrap yourself into a person. That your “person” was supposed to come in and fill all the voids that you had. I was wrong. I ended up being lonelier than ever, and as you all know from previous posts, I attempted to fill those voids. I tried dating again, partying, and otherworldly things to make myself feel “whole” again. Unfortunately, I never did. All those things gave me a temporary feeling, allowed me to take my mind off it, but I still went back to feeling empty. I felt like there wasn’t anything that I could do and at that point, God seemed so far, but He was the one that I needed to come back to.
So, I came back to God. I realized that the love I was seeking was already found in Christ. And not only did God have a love for me, but He had UNCONDITIONAL love for me. According to Romans 8:39, “neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”, y’all know how powerful that is?! Basically, Paul said ain’t no mountain high enough, ain’t no valley low enough, ain’t no river wide enough, to keep God from loving us (if you didn’t catch that song reference you weren’t raised on classics jk). That regardless of the mistakes I had made, the boundaries I crossed, God still loved me anyway. He hadn’t left me while I was out here wildin’ and He still found me worthy of all His glory and blessings. By realizing God’s love for me, it allowed me to see the love that was around me. How my parents loved a child who struggled with depression and anxiety and never belittled my mental health. How my brother who looked out for me, even when I didn’t realize it. How I had friends who showed up for me in ways I never imagined. To have family who watched me slip up but continued to intercede in prayer on my behalf. That my entire life was surrounded by love and for so long I didn’t even realize it! Isn’t that weird? How we can be so fixated on receiving something a particular way that we lose sight or don’t even acknowledge what God had already placed in our life? It’s almost insane when we think about it, yet we do it all the time. I was so entangled with the idea of experiencing love in one way, that I didn’t even know what I already had. And while I have been taking stock of God’s love and the love I have from family and friends, I discovered that along the way I had fallen in love with someone else. Me.
I will be the first to tell you that for a long time I did not love myself as I should have. I know that may be shocking to some, you see me post inspirational (and occasionally funny) content on social media, I’ve been apart of numerous organizations, sat on panel discussions, and the list goes on. But at the end of the day, I didn’t love myself. I really looked at myself as second fiddle, sometimes third, and allowed what others thought of me to take center stage. Of course, I tried to mask it, saying that I “loved people” but I really loved what people thought of me. I would be so uplifted when people said that they liked me or liked something that I did, but I would be distraught when people had something negative to say. I put my worth and love in what others had to say, which caused me to continually second-guess myself. This went on for years and it wasn’t until a friend of mine asked me, “Liz, when are you going to put the same love that you have for others, in yourself?” and when I heard that I paused. I realized that I gave so much love towards people, towards their interests, towards their desires, that I hadn’t given that much effort to myself. Then had the nerve to want to love someone romantically when I didn’t even love myself, tell me how that works? I’ll tell you: IT DOESN’T! When I realized that I wasn’t giving myself enough love, enough credit, enough value, my perception changed. I began writing affirmations or written phrases/verses/quotes that would help serve as a reminder to love myself. I posted them on a wall in my room, that way every day I see good things about me. One of my favorites is, “I am loved by the Creator and in turn I love myself!”. Meaning: that if God loved me, and God is love, and I am made in the image of God, which means I’m a reflection of who God is, then I am love! I am love humanized! That every day I should set out, to not only love God and people more but to love myself more too. That I deserved to give that to myself and you do too.
It can be hard to say that you deserve nice things. I know for me, I can see an outfit I like and immediately think “Man, I don’t deserve that.”. Even when it came down to love, with all the messes I made and downfalls I had, I still felt as though I didn’t deserve to experience love the right way. Maybe that’s you right now, you think that since there was so much wrong in a past relationship that you don’t think you deserve a chance at love again. Maybe you think that you have too many mistakes to ever love yourself once more. Well, honey, I’m here to tell you that is a lie. Regardless of what you have done, the mistakes you have made, you are worthy of all the love God has to offer. Don’t allow past situations to alter the way you view yourself. Don’t allow the areas that you feel as though you’re lacking in to cause you to not see what you’ve already been blessed with. Don’t allow it. Regardless of what’s been done, you’re still worthy of love. Choose to grow in love today.
Exude love and light,
EVW <3
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