Hello Glories! I hope this blog post finds you well, if not, honey lets get well. In my last post, I talked about how I was not rushing into the new year. Taking my time to get settled in and sit with myself about what I genuinely wanted out of this year has been great. No longer forcing myself to have resolutions/goals ready to execute by January 1 but giving myself time and grace. With that, I did debate that if continuing this blog was something that I desired to do in 2023. Yes, I thought about ending Glory Talks after almost three years of writing to you all. I had already let go of Poetically E, which was my poetry page, and I felt that Glory Talks was next.
Now I know what you are thinking, “Liz, why would you want to give up something that you’ve had for a while?”, well let me give you the origin story. I began to writing poetry off and on in high school, but I didn’t take it seriously till college. Poetry then served as an outlet for me to express my feelings. At this time, I was dealing with anxiety and depression heavily and putting together poems/spoken word allowed for my heart to be put to paper. Then opportunities began to come for me to perform at various events and competitions, it was unexpected. After gaining traction with performing, I created an Instagram page dedicated to my poetry/spoken word. As the page began to grow, my mental health began to improve (with the help of therapy and prayer) and my poetry began to reflect that. I quickly saw that my “bubbly and positive” poems didn’t get the same excitement and sentiment as my more “dark and intense” poems. As an artist that can be discouraging because Ms. Erykah Badu said, “I am an artist and I’m sensitive about my {censored}”. In being discouraged with not receiving the response I would have liked and not wanting depression to be my muse, I decided to let poetry go. And the same feelings that I felt with Poetically E are the same feelings I had with Glory Talks.
I started Glory Talks during the pandemic to reach people that I was not able to interact with in person. From sharing scripture to testimony, Glory Talks began to take off. But then there came a point where it felt more like me forcing content than freely flowing with it. Life began life-ing, a break-up happened, friend dynamics changed, switched jobs, family members passed, and health scares with family occurred that hindered me from sharing. 2022 came with a lot to work through, mature in, and handle and I did not want that to be the main muse in my writing. Which is funny because my blog was created as a space for me to be fully transparent about my life and faith. If I am being honest, I didn’t want to come to Glory Talks with how things were going in my life. I did not want to be transparent in that I was struggling to find the “silver lining” amid everything that was going on. That my faith in God waivered and that I was even angry at Him for the things that had transpired. I didn’t want Glory Talks to be the place where I dumped a year’s worth of disappointments, hurt, trauma, and pain to readers who probably didn’t want any parts of that section of my story. And with having that mindset, I didn’t write. I did not post anything about my blog for months at a time, I felt uncreative and unmotivated, I felt fearful. I isolated myself from friends and family in spurts, closed myself off from opening-up to new people, stopped serving at my church, I just shut down and tried to shut my feelings off.
Of course, people took notice, asked what I
needed, tried to pick me up, but I wasn’t completely receptive of it. I appreciated everyone’s concern, but I was tired of hearing that “this too shall pass” and “keep on believing” because my faith had depleted to a point where I did not want to try. I stopped going to church regularly, wasn’t listening to sermons, praying was rare, I just stopped seeking after God. It wasn’t until I came into 2023 that I decided to take steps to get back in church. I started back serving, attending services on a (somewhat) regular basis, and being honest with my church family and friends about where I was at with my life. I was honest with them and myself about how I felt about my relationship with God and what I had been feeling for months. Things did not just change overnight, but it did feel good to not have those feelings bottled-up anymore. Although I was slowly making strides, I still didn’t feel motivated to come back to writing.
I came close to making a post on Glory Talk’s Instagram saying how I wouldn’t be writing anymore and how it had been a good run. I was pretty convinced in the idea until I had a conversation with one of my church members. She had checked on me at times and filled in for me while I wasn’t serving, she asked me “What are you writing about these days?”. I quickly said “nothing” because I felt like I wasn’t in a space to share my story and all that I had gone through. Instead of dismissing the conversation, she took the time to affirm me and encouraged me to write again. And even though I was against it at the time, I am glad that she gave me that nudge to pick-up my laptop and share my truth. Now, I will be the first to say that I am still working towards being better, but I can tell those things are slowly coming together. All in all, if I’m still here, Glory Talks will still be here. I’m not promising thought-provoking conversation all the time nor sermons on life and encouragement, but I am saying that I’ll endeavor to show-up.
Continue to exude love and light always,
E.V.W. <3
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